Living Vicariously
I wonder whether anyone else has noticed this phenomenon: It seems to me that, through a certain age, kids focus primarily on personal achievement. Then, as they get older, something happens, and they start to settle. Their aspirations shift from personal achievement to setting their kids (or others) up for greatness. Almost all grandparents I know are in this latter stage; most parents are, too. When was the last time you saw a 65-year-old running marathons? It seems to me that the casual conversations of most parents and grandparents revolve around their children and grandchildren. "My grandson scored 3 goals in his soccer game last night." "Well, my granddaughter is going to Michigan next fall."
What is that something? Maybe the world is too rough. Maybe humans aren't good at dealing with failure when they've made an effort to succeed, so after so many disappointments, they have to lower their expectations; no more shooting for the stars.
Am I right about the existence of this phenomenon? If so, anybody have any thoughts on explanations for it?
What is that something? Maybe the world is too rough. Maybe humans aren't good at dealing with failure when they've made an effort to succeed, so after so many disappointments, they have to lower their expectations; no more shooting for the stars.
Am I right about the existence of this phenomenon? If so, anybody have any thoughts on explanations for it?
posted by Garrett at 10:33 AM
4 Comments:
good point.
First of all, one common way of measuring your owns success is by the success of your children. If you were a good parent, in theory, your children ought to to well. So, by making sure your children do well, you (and you friends and extended family) will think you're a success.
Also, people tend to see their off spring as the way they're leaving a permanent mark on the world. It's a form of immortality. So naturally, they want to help their children and grandchildren along. It not only helps to make sure that the line is continued, but is also an attempt to make the family better, a more suitable monument to the soon-to-pass.
Thank God. A topic I understand. When you have children you discover that all your attempts at personal gain mean absolutely nothing to this little being and you gain a perspective that you would have more trouble acquiring without a child. It's the only way a lot of people know how to GIVE to anyone. They find a worthy cause (their children) to give to and sometimes it becomes more about their own gain (and feel good as a giver) than the actualy benefit they provide to your child/grandchild. (by spoiling them, urging them into things you could never do) It's rarely the best thing, but I think it's a step up from striving for personal gain.
I think you're on to something, Anonymous, but I guess I'm wondering more about why the vicarious living COMPLETELY takes over the striving for personal achievement. Couldn't parents/grandparents still enjoy the benefits you mentioned by striking a healthy balance between the two extremes?
Derek, I see your hypotheses as rational "make-sense" stories for explaining the phenomenon, but I'm left wanting for more evidence.
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